"Comparison is the thief of joy"- Theodor Roosevelt. This quote has been on my mind lately. Comparing ourselves to others is not always intentional. If anything, at least for me, it sprouts from admiration. Admiring how well other people are able to do in the things I struggle with. Not that I sit and search for reasons to compare myself to others. You admire how other people are able to teach their children. You admire that your friend was able to lose all of the baby weight just 1 month after pregnancy. You admire how beautiful a friend's home is. You admire all the talent's your friend has. Some people just seem to have it all together... Their kids sleep well, eat well, speak well, potty train very early, are very well behaved... All while these women, these mothers, have perfect hair, skin, figures, are able to cook their families perfect healthy meals, have beautifully decorated homes, wear beautiful clothes, and all while living on very little money. I'm not just talking about mothers of course. I'm sure everyone has someone they feel sub-par to.
You are happy for these people, but feel somewhat inadequate because you seem to fall short when compared to them. You want to be like them. You want to be better and have the same strengths they do.You read the parent help books. You ask your wonderful friends for advice. You try and try because you applaud these people. You set their successes as standards of excellence to follow.
Before I was pregnant, I remember thinking it looked so beautiful. Like what the character Wendy says in the movie What to Expect When You're Expecting, "I just wanted the glow, you know the one they promise you on all the covers of those magazines. The one's with the woman looking down at her perfectly round belly..." I knew it wouldn't really be all sunshine and roses, but I didn't realize how hard it could be. It was hard for me. Morning sickness stinks, and really can last the entire pregnancy. I remember talking to an old friend telling her I was having a hard time with all the vomiting. She just smiled and told me to, "just enjoy every moment" because it is so wonderful. Now granted, pregnancy is a beautiful, wonderful blessing but it isn't the same for everyone. It, like everything in life, presents different challenges to everyone. Everyone has their own struggles and they won't always understand or relate to yours.
I remember telling my husband that I felt ungrateful for ever complaining about being sick when I was pregnant, that I should just be grateful to be pregnant. I know so many people that struggle with worse. He told me to not be so hard on myself. "Yes, other people have harder things that happen to them, but it doesn't mean that what you are doing isn't hard. What's hard for you, is hard for you," he told me. He is good at reminding me to be positive and see the good.
I have to remind myself that those people, those friends of mine that are great at so many things have their own weaknesses, just like I do. Just because their parenting choices and style works well for them doesn't mean it will work well for me. The longer I am a parent the less and less I feel I can judge other parents. Parenting is so difficult. I remember thinking I don't ever want to lose my patience and yell at my children. I have only been parenting 2 and a half years and already I feel like I failed at that. But the only thing you can do is keep trying.
A woman today in church made the comment that she kind of thought she could do parenting on her own, and that she would ask the Lord for help here and there. She said that she realized that that was prideful and that she actually needs help all day everyday. She has to pray for help with being patient, not yelling, getting dinner on the table... It was a great reminder that we have a perfect parent, our Heavenly Father and He cares about those seemingly little things that matter to us. He wants to help us with those things. He knows that we all, even those perfect friends of ours, need help and struggle with our own difficulties. Quit comparing. Quit judging harshly. Set your own goals and don't compare yourself to your "perfect" friend. Remember they struggle just like you do with their own weaknesses. Know that even with all your imperfections, you have a Heavenly Father who loves you perfectly.
